| Ahhhh |
[15 Nov 2005|03:08pm] |
I realize what I miss most about the internet. It's that ability to hide yourself from the everyday world and just escape to a place where everything else doesn't exist but who you are, or who you portray yourself to be for other people. It's definitely an interesting concept, and all in all I've lost the need for it. You know...to bury myself in some place unknown so I don't have to deal with the extremely petty people of today. But occasionally I miss rambling on about things too deep for my high school friends to understand; things that are extremely important to me that I don't neccessarily bury, but that I never share because it is so beyond their comprehension.
If only a world existed in the real world that could make you completely relaxed and yourself like the internet does. The internet lets others see exactly what you want them to see and you never worry about them seeing your flaws because everything is covered up but what you let them see. Where as in real life, the face relays a thousand emotions that you would most likely never want your peers to see.
I tell myself that my room is the only other place besides silly internet places that lets me do that, except there is no interaction with people. And it is so because my room is the only place where I let myself feel completely free to do, say, and act exactly how I want to. You know when you feel like being completely socially unnacceptable and you just want to sit in your underwear? Well, my room is where I can do that.
Now I'm not saying it should change and all of us should be able to sit in the coffee shop with just our udnerwear on. I just wish it were easier to be vulnerable, without having the negative emotions that comes along with being vulnerable in the real world.
But I can't solve life's problems. I just like to contemplate them. It's one of my true secret joys in life that again, so few young or old people will ever understand. It goes along the lines of that bubble effect. Most people live in bubbles and the people who live outside them are so truly rare that I think you're lucky to meet atleast one in your lifetime.
Who knew so much could be buried within one person? The truth is most people don't even wonder what abysses lie in a person's mind and soul that are filled with random thoughts of life .They don't even wonder because it's so beyond their mental capacity, or so beyond their bubble's capacity. Either way, there is a huge part of me that most people will never even begin to see, let a lone understand because most people live in the bubble. And for the most part, we don't share that in common. You can pretend to live in the bubble and maybe even fool yourself into thinking that you can go through life's journey in denial of such deep ponderings. But it will always resurface and you can never live happy that way again because once the bubble is popped. It's popped and then you're left to the big wide world.
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| hrmmm |
[30 Oct 2005|07:33pm] |
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| Quizzes...ah |
[27 Sep 2005|05:35pm] |
I'm updating. Wooo!
| You Are Western Boots |  Your boots can sure walk a long mile - but they're still chic! |
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| hehe... |
[10 Aug 2005|11:05pm] |
 You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting personality, you're so unique. You're the kind of person who always thinks outside of the box. You're also a very accepting individual, and believe in inner beauty.
Which kind of candy are you? brought to you by Quizilla
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| LOL Bowling!!! |
[10 Aug 2005|10:59pm] |
 Bowling Shoes- fun, unique, and vintage, you don't care a lot about what other people think. You do your own thing and are your own person. You have fun no matter what you're doing and enjoy being surrounded by friends. You still need your down time though![please vote! thank you! :)]
What Kind of Shoe Are You?(new and updated results!!) brought to you by Quizilla
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[09 Aug 2005|09:09pm] |
 You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy at times but friendly, and you are never weak and always independent. You are incredibly intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a talent for many things (sports, music, art). You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy the simple things. Like hanging out with friends and watching movies at home. But you're sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just can't seem to break into the crowd and be noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing and speak out when you have more to say. Don't hide behind your books and sports and computer, get out there and get noticed. You also have deep desires in life and feel vunerable and alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What helps me to express feelings and dreams that I can't say to people, is through my writting. Maybe you should try.
What kind of girl are you? (with pix!) brought to you by Quizilla
 Your wise quote is: "Be kind to unkind people, they probably need it the most" by Ashleigh Brilliant. You try to look beyond apperance, try to give people second chances and are probably very kind. Understanding is your biggest personality trait, and thoose you can see through should be grateful. If they aren't already. You detest narrow minded people, because they can't see what's really there. Facades is not your thing and you strive to always be who you really are.
What wise quote fits you? [pics] brought to you by Quizilla
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| United Kingdom?! |
[08 Jul 2005|11:53pm] |
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You're the United Kingdom!
You're a much weaker person than you used to be, but you still act like you did when everyone looked up to you. Despite this, you're probably a better person than you were when you had so much power over those around you. Though you do have a strange fascination with jewels and monarchs, which lets you play in castles, but also end up leading a sort of tabloid lifestyle. You really like the Beatles, even more than you like Oasis. Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid
Ech..The UK. I have bad memories about the UK. lol.. I could have atleast been a country that I liked.
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| Ehh... |
[07 Jul 2005|11:56am] |
I'm really hungry. WHy don't I eat, you ask? Well, because I'm picky and I don't feel like eating anything that we have here to eat. :( So, I'll suffer for another 5 hours until Mom comes home with food. I guess. Probably.
So, yeah, I have a blog now, but I still like this journal. It must be all my fond memories with it :p
Okay, going to work today, with my siblings, because I babysit. I really need a new job. Really!
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| Blogger |
[30 Jun 2005|12:58pm] |
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When you Believe ~ Whitney Houston |
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So, Amy has me stuck on blogger now. I can't help it! I think I need a breath of fresh air :p I'll still come back and post on this one every now and then. But if you'd like to come check out my new journal just type naomh.blogspot.com into your browser and it'll take you there.
Cheerio all!
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| WHoo |
[08 Apr 2005|01:31pm] |
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drained |
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music |
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Pie Jesu |
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I ahevn't posted here in AGES it feels like. lol. And my wording on this thing is so huge. I think my computer's text size was out of proportion of..something lol.
Anyways, I finsihed the school play with a bang. I got a job. I don't start until May 1st, but atleast I have one lol. And I'm still in the running for Valedictorian at school, except I haven't taken my ACt or SAt yet. SO...*pulls hair out* hehe we'll see how that goes.
We're planning on buying a new computer so I might actually be able to get on here and post again. I've missed all my online friends. It's hard to keep up with everyone when you don't have internet or a computer :p The only person I ever get to talk to anymore is Jess.
But life is good. I think I'm actually going to Prom since my dear *cough* friends at school didn't leave me alone about it for two months straight. SO i borrowed an old Prom dress form a friend, scrounged up some money, and are planning to get some shoes at Goodwill. My friend is doing my hair I think before I go. Plus, my friend has a Hummer limousine that he offered us a ride in to go. SO it all sort of fell into place like a week before it's actually supposed to be here lol. I didn't want to spend lots of money on a dress and I'm only really going because I feel terrible not going after everyone has just about got down on their hands and knees and begged :p. But, we'll see how it goes :p I just have to iron the dress hehe. It was a little crumpled from being in my friends storage :p
I don't really want to go to to Prom. I just keep hoping that somehow it will end up okay. Knowing that God still loves me at the end of the night helps. lol. But..anyways....that's how my life is going right now..
Can't wait for my little concession stand job to start and school is out so I can actually make some real money. We're going over today to my brother Todd's work to see if he really wants to buy this truck from this guy. and he's in the middle of picking a college too, so it's hectic. But good :)
Miss you all! God Bless!
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| I'm Back!! |
[19 Oct 2004|06:54pm] |
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My Dear Livejournal! How much I've missed you! Seriously though, ther eis no life when you can't put it down on computer. Hehe just kidding. And you thought I was serious! Guess what everyone. hehe. I got into National Honor Society and I'm so excited. We get inducted in front of the entire school and then we get to go out to eat with our parents and skip school before the real work begins and I'm so excited.
And... my computer has broken so now I'm at the library writing y life story and I miss NF so much it hurts. I wish I had some time, or some money, or a computer so I could spend more time there and give it the atention that it deserves, but it's all in God's hands. And you know school is getting easier s I'm having more energy to just enjoy myself, and when I say school is getting easier I do mean that I'm not so worried about life's problems and chalk it up to just needing grace and faith, with that everything seems to work out fine for me because everything else I can trust God for. Wow. What a life revelation lol. I love it and God's been so good to me lately. He's only taking me forward. The only down side of life right now is that my mom is broke and that I don't get to spend enough time at NF. I miss my girls!
Now for fun since I never get to do any of this stuff anymore and at this point I completely and utterly deserve it.
Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air Family Matters Full House Fraggle Rock G.I. Joe The Muppet Show The Electric Company Pre-Elmo 'Sesame Street' Are You Afraid Of The Dark? Secret World Of Alex Mac Nightmare Before Christmas Welcome Freshman Kids Incorporated Space Cases Roundhouse The Muppet Show Muppet Babies Eureka's Castle The Elephant Show w/ Sharon, Lois, and Bram Pinwheel Today's Special Calliope Salute Your Shorts Hey Dude Legends Of The Hidden Temple You Can't Do That On Television Figure It Out G.U.T.S. What Would You Do? Double Dare Rocko's Modern Life Bevis and Butthead (well, I never watched it...) All That Ren And Stimpy Clarissa Explains It All The Torklesons Pete And Pete Stick Stickley Goodburger Angry Beavers Sponge Bob Hey Arnold AAH! Real Monsters Loony Toons Animaniacs Pinky And The Brain The Babysitters Club He-Man She-Ra Alvin and the Chipmunks Tom and Jerry Kids Bobby's World The original Power Rangers Peter Pan and the Pirates Funhouse Underdog Kablam Gullah Gullah Island Richard Scarry Dumbo's circus Ocean Girl Mystery Files Of Shelby Woo Snick Snacks Dunkaroos Fruit Roll-Ups Koala Yummies Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? Nick Magazine The Goonies Sixteen Candles The Heathers Nightmare on Elm Street movies Ernest movies Radio Flyer Adventures In Wonderland Homeward Bound The Adventures Of Yellow Dog Milo And Otis Neverending Story Who Framed Roger Rabbit The Lion King Labyrinth 101 Dalmations The Secret Garden Pete's Dragon Hocus Pocus Land Before Time Dinosaurs Fern Gully Secret Of NIMH Gummi Bears Care Bears A Little Princess My Little Pony Black Beauty Rainbow Brite Lady Lovely Locks Candyland Sorry! Trouble Don't Wake Daddy Mousetrap Jenga Don't Break The Ice Hungry Hungry Hippos Cooties Tinker Toys The castles that made tea sets Sky Dancers Polly Pocket Hypercolor t-shirts Lite Brite Scrunchies More than two pair of oversized socks Tight-cuffed jeans Side Ponytails Stirrup Pants Jellies Saddle shoes Barbies Beanie babies Tamagotchies Yo-Yos Choose Your Own Adventure Pogs Goosebumps American Girl Island Of The Blue Dolphins Saved By The Bell Step By Step TGIF on ABC Sabrina The Teenage Witch Boy Meets World (I still say it's the best sitcom ever made) Clueless Mork And Mindy Simpsons (again...never watched it) Flipper Eerie Indiana Third Rock From The Sun Tracey Ullman Show Ghost Writer Growing Pains Titanic Felix The Cat: The Movie Jonathan Taylor Thomas Home Improvement Tom And Huck My Brother And Me Kenan And Kel Hanson Inspector Gadget Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Power Rangers Hot Wheels Creepy Crawlers Easy Bake Oven Flower making kits Weinerville Wild And Crazy Kids Playdough animorphs Rainbow Fish If You Give A Mouse A Cookie Bailey School Kids Wayside School Mrs. Piggle Wiggle Boxcar Kids (Isn't it the Boxcar Children?) Ramona Quimby Roald Dahl Amber Brown
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| I'm back! |
[15 Sep 2004|06:57pm] |
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Alan Jackson's Greatest Hits |
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What? What? Who's here? yes, It's me! I've been so busy lately I can barely keep up with showers let alone three journals. I now officially have one for school, one for internet, and one that I keep the really personal stuff in. I had to come back though because I kept getting emails about 'concerned' NFers, stuff that I couldn't just pass off unfortunately. I would love to do that stuff but it was good for me to come back and get myself back in gear for NF. I've had such a school school school mentality it's almost like I forgot I had a life beyond grades? Wait! I do?! Oh yeah. haha.
And I missed everyone. But I've loved talking to everyone on the phone. I'm still just thrilled about being able to talk to Becky over the phone. And I so want a job at a good bookstore! But I must work on my grades lol. I need to quit dreaming about stuff I can't have and realize that I have a lot of things that other people don't and I should be thankful for. Well, I'm still in the running for Valedictorian. I don't know what's going to happen this year. I just know that if I do get it, I don't want to kill myself for it. I want to know that I got it because of why I work so hard, because I love the satisfaction of working really hard for something and then accomplishing that. I would be happy with Valedictorian then.
Anyways, one of my friends is supposed to be here soon with some clothes for me that doesn't fit her anymore! EE! I think I only had an inkling about that in the back of my head that I needed clothes and God has already supplied me with it. He's taking care of me so no one worry lol. And I'm finally beginning to let Him. It feels so nice to be pampered lol. Even if it's spritually, or I should say especialy since it's spiritually lol. It's a whole new world in God's arms instead of a few feet away with your feetglued to the ground.
Okay, so I still have lots of homework to finish! Miss you all! *hugs*
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| Do I get colors soon? |
[29 Aug 2004|03:07pm] |
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Strong Enough to Be Your Man ~ Travis Tritt |
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SO, I had to read my Friends page to get in the mood to write in this thing. I'm so confused. God is not the author of confusion, I know. But I'm confused anyways.
It's absolutely pointless to try to understand my feelings and what's going on in my life and even when I try to throw it all out the window and just 'live'. It doesn't work, and it doesn't work adding God either. It's not that I'm mad at Him. I'm just so frsutrated. I give Him my burden, and then I pick it back up again. Honestly, I'm just sick of trying and now living is just depressing lol. I want to scream, cry, and laugh all at the same time.
I have absolutely no control what goes on in my life, or my emotions, or what's going to happen tomorrow. I can't even get myself motivated to pray. Which is so annoying, btw. I'm on the edge. Seriously. Not of sanity of course, just at the end of my rope, if that's put better. One more thing and I could just scream and the hardest part is it's not like my whole life is falling apart so I just break, cry it all out, and let God handle it because I have nothing for a justifiable pity party. Just small things that are draining me that in the end aren't even worth mentioning. SO everytime I start to cry, I can't lol. There's not reason to cry except I'm tired.
My hope got all washed out, my seed of faith was sucked dry of water and is dying, and where the heck am I left? I'm left with my family who is feeling just as bad as I am. And it's so frustrating because I can usually bring myself back up emotionally but I can't and I laugh and smile a lot but it's not that complete happiness. I'm desperately trying to hold on to God while going to school and being with all these worldly creeps and I can just feel myself slipping away and what can I do? Pray? I've done it over and over again and it's just not right. Half my heart wants the world and the other half is clinging to God for dear life. I just want to live in Him. Why is that so hard??? Can someone explain this to me? No, no they can't. God has only ever been the one who could put my feet on solid ground and I can't find my way back to Him. I'm just stuck in this web of confusion. And it happened last year too. I just took a break from God the half year of school and this summer I've been working to get back to Him. Now school has started again adn I'm back where I left off last year. and I won't let it happen.
I Will Not. It feels like dying. Doing this, pretending to be close to God when you're not. I'm so close to desperation and throwing my load on God's shoulders but everytime I get close I find this stupid satsifaction or will to keep going as I am. I hate it. I would love to just break down and let everything loose. I'm just living in tension, and growing hatred. And who knows what else.
I love school. I love learning. I love talking to people. But how does God live through me when I go to school? How? AHH! I'm so frustrated. Sometimes I can peek out of this little hole I'm stuck in and I see what I'm missing with Jesus and I just keep fighting but it feels like it's all in vain. It really feels like that. I'm so ready to give up but so ready to fight for everything I'm worth too.
I'm feel like the rope in Tug of war and my heart is the knot. Where is my peace? And why did it leave? I miss peace so much, and I can't rest until i have it. I can't just be okay living away from Him anymore. I can't because that's not who I am anymore. Soemtimes I can get into acting stupid like the kids at school but I come home and lie in bed at night and I feel wrong. Like I let something precious slip away and even farther out of my reach.
I wish I could turn back time and take what I had during the summer and take it to school with me. I need that peace in Him while I'm going to school. I don't want to want the world or any part of it. I just want to be content in Him and I want that to shine through in me. I'm dying for that.
I'm fighting so hard emotionally that I'm left with nothing to give anyone else. Or anything else. My school work is fine. Whenever I don't want to feel anything more I just do homework lol. So, I have A's in all my classes still. But I wish I had the energy and happiness to just enjoy all the blessings I have right now. And I'm still just as blessed as I ever was. But a nice house doesn't make you happy, obviously. I'm struggling just as hard as I ever was :p I need pray. I need Him again. I'm falling and I miss Him, in all honesty. I miss Him so much.
Love you all.
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| SO much stuff to do... |
[23 Aug 2004|03:43pm] |
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Your Raise Me Up |
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How do people keep up with three lives? I have one on the internet, one at school, and one at home, and journals to go with each one. Mr Boyle, my ENglish teacher, assigned us to do in his class so that is now my third journal and I have one next to bed that I write down all my non-internet stuff in. Well, I add you people in there sometimes too :D
And As soon as I get one life in order another on falls apart or is in the making of falling apart. That's a cool phrease (..the making of falling apart.) rofl. I'm good. Anyways, I'm back atleast for today. Or some time on here today since I finished all my homework at school. It was actually a pretty good day and I'm not overwhelmed. I actually feel pretty good just a little tired and God compeltely helped me get through today.
I sat by myself today and for the first time just let myself not worry about what people were thinking about me sitting by myself, if I was an outcast or something rofl. I mean, why worry? My real family and friends are Christians anyways and everyone else I can only get so close to. Why envy someone who is holding onto something that is going to slip away when they die. Anyways, this is my reasoning now. I'm relearning how to be happy not having friends. After all, if you can't do that then in my opinion, you don't really deserve them.
As for guys, people have stories and such. Well mine hasn't started yet unless you look at my very sad preface which included Brian lol. I'm just waiting. I like certain guys but you know just from a distance then they start liking someone else and I just do something else lol. I can't be the initiator lol. Cuz even if I could, I don't want to.
Did I mention we have pictures tomorrow? I'm so unphotogenic! lol .It's really just outright sad. But I'm going to curl my hair and fix my bangs and put it up somehow. I haven't figured it out yet and Lord only knows what I'm going to wear. I'm so loving 70's music right now. All the oldies are just good. That's all there is to it. And so this is my day and my thoughts. I'm just rather fine lol...
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| Posting this... |
[21 Aug 2004|11:12am] |
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Turn Back the Hands of Time ~ Tyrone Davis |
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name| age| reason for LJ username| AIM sn| reason for AIM sn| do you enjoy reading my LJ| why?| interesting fact about you| weird fact about you| quote| will you post this in your LJ|
RECOMMEND 1. a movie| 2. a book| 3. a musical artist, song, or album| 4. an LJ user not on my friends list| 5. something to do in the next two months|
And I left for two days and I had two pages of Friends' pages to go through. Slow down, people! :D
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| Quizzes.. |
[17 Aug 2004|01:37pm] |
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flirty |
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Sweet Home Alabama ! Lynyrd Skynyrd |
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I love these.
You Are A Moschino Heart Bag
You're a whimsical, romantic girl with a good does of funky
You've are always in the middle of some adventure, planned or not
Style is something you mastered early on - and you're envied for it
When it comes to you, you're one of a kind ... with many imitators
You are a Playful Date Your dating philosophy?
"Fun first, romance later"
You rather scream on a roller coaster...
Then stare in to some guy's eyes over dinner.
Guys to look for:
Men with humorous profiles and quirky interests
Sure that business suit guy may look boring...
But if he likes snowball fights, give him a try
What Kind of Date Are You? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
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| Mingling sense of doom in a happy day... |
[17 Aug 2004|01:00pm] |
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Just to hear you say that you love me ~ Tim and Faith |
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Why do these thigns happen? Life confuses the heck out of me. Right when you think you have everything figured out and under control something new pops up. In life there is so much to take it you almost never have time to let it all out after it's procesed and registered.
I'm not worried about what I'm going to do with my life. I know God will help me cross that bridge when I come to it, yet the little things in life make me wonder. I analyze my own personality and you wonder where you'll end up in 20 years. Will I have kids and a a husband? WIll I be in Romania watching someone else's kids and teaching school? Will I be single and be teaching English in a public school while I throw life lessons in there somewhere? Will I become a novelist and remain secluded in worlds of my own that work out in the end but never do in reality? Will I make a difference when everyone is so set against what I believe?
I mean there's always hope with God in the few souls that are still looking for him. But there are so many who are set on the majorit population of right and wrong and so many who need logical explanations to accept God, when even if they do accept God under evidence it probably won't make a difference since He works through the souls. A broken soul I might add. How many people are willing to die to live in Jesus? How many people are coming to that point in today's society?
We have everything and even those who don't are wrapped in this bitter cocoon that no one can touch. They're bitter at more than circumstances, they're bitter at everyone. Everyone played a part somehow, whether they did anything or not. Someone who is hurt and couldn't find Jesus is wrapped in a world that is so hard to break through it could take a lifetime and it's in so many people.
Yet as soon as you sell your soul to the world, you're like everyone else. In the end, there is no point. You have to accept reality, you can't be pure and innocent because you're 'square' and naive. yet as soon as you do you're wrapped in doom too. WHat is 'logical' about that? How can people take that and say that's life, accept it? There is nothing beyond this sin and filth we wear everyday. They act like they want to believe that! I'm just confused.
Life for me was never easy in circumstances, only in heart. They say,"You come speking to us nonbelievers about how God changed your life around, yet you still have problems." And they don't get that it's not the world's circumstances that change how you feel inside. And you want to say this to everyone, yet it's said over and over again and no one listens. It's a vicious cycle of self-deceit.
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| I should be cleaning... |
[16 Aug 2004|07:41pm] |
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If Nobody Believed in You ~ Joe Nichols |
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Well, I should be cleaning but I'm not. Well, because I don't feel like it :D I've been going and going all day today.
I wen to the eye doctor's today and I need glasses except our insurance will only pay for the round ones so my face is officially a perfect circle now. I used to have some shape. You look at my glasses and it becomes my whole face lol. Who needs a lense for their cheeks? Explain this to me!
But it was so cool today. I went out to the mailbox and was singing and I turned around and all the horses were heading for the fence right across the street looking right at me lol. They were completely spread out the minute before but as soon as I started singing they came walking my way. But one walked straight up to the fence and put his nose behind it so I kept singing and walked to pet him. Then I turned around and started walking back and I looked back at him and he had his song outside the fence to get even closer lol.
SO I just kept singing and petting him. It was so cool. Those horses ignored everyone for six months until I started singing and all four came up to me. lol. How cool what that? My ultimate God-thing for the day :)
And then we cleaned the post office which was funa nd we're trying to get Dad to agree to letting Mom go out with me to see the Stepford Wives together since he doesn't want to see it. We saw 'The Day after Tomorrow' last night and it was one of the most intense movies I've seen in a LONG time. It was great. If I had extra money I'd buy it. God touched today. It was wonderful Now I have to clean the kitchen...
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| What am I talking about... |
[15 Aug 2004|12:14pm] |
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rejuvenated |
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Whisky Lullaby ~ Allison Krauss and Brad Paisly |
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What am I talking about LOL...Jenn, I LOVE this journal. Way more than cool. This compeltely rocks :D
I'm an idiot lol. Seriously, this is GREAT.
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